How to Ask Smart Interview Questions & Beat Anxiety Today

Why Do Customer Interviews Create Anxiety

Understanding customer behaviour starts with understanding why we fear the very conversations that unlock it.

Picture this: You're about to interview a key stakeholder. Your palms are sweaty, your mind's racing with prepared questions, and there's this nagging voice whispering "What if I mess this up?" Sound familiar?

If you're nodding along, you're not alone!

There's a genuinely fascinating psychological reason why interviewing stakeholders to understand consumer behaviour can feel more terrifying than a first date with someone way out of your league.

The Hidden Psychology Behind Why We Dread Interviews

Here's the thing that nobody talks about: an interview is just a conversation between two people. That's it.

So why does slapping the label "interviewer" on yourself suddenly feel like you've been handed the keys to a Ferrari when you've only driven a bicycle?

Because our minds go absolutely mental with expectations. We convince ourselves we need to:

• Create an environment where the interviewee feels like they're at a five-star spa

• Extract game-changing insights that'll have our colleagues giving us standing ovations

• Control every single moment of the conversation like some sort of chat conductor

• Distinguish between surface-level pleasantries and what people actually think

• Get brilliant insights without being pushy (because who wants to be that person?)

Course not - that's mental!

Yet here we are, turning what should be a natural exchange into Mission: Impossible.

The answer lies in our evolutionary psychology.

The Neuroscience Behind Interview Fear

Why Your Brain Treats Interview Rejection Like Physical Injury

Here's where consumer psychology gets properly interesting.

Humans are inherently social creatures with a deep need to belong and form meaningful connections with others. This need is as basic as our need for food, water, and shelter, writes UCLA professor Matthew Lieberman (Lieberman, 2013).

But here's the kicker: we have evolved an evolutionary warning signal that tells us when our need for connection is not met.

That underlying drive to be liked isn't just politeness - it's biology.

The UCLA studies (using functional magnetic resonance imaging) reveal fascinating insights about our brains.

During quiet moments, our brains automatically:

• Prepare to focus on other people's minds

• Switch to viewing the world through a social lens

• Activate social processing centres within seconds of completing non-social tasks

But the fMRI scans revealed something even more remarkable: specific brain areas become active during social rejection. 

These areas are responsible for processing both the emotional and sensory components of pain. 

In fact, the same brain regions that respond to physical pain - namely, the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex and the anterior insula - also activate when we experience social rejection, showing how deeply interconnected social and physical pain are.

It’s crazy that our experiences of social rejection activate the same brain regions as physical pain!

Think about that for a moment...

When someone rejects us or we feel socially excluded, our brains process this using the exact same neural machinery that processes a broken bone or a burn. The phrase "broken heart" isn't just poetic - it's neurologically accurate.

This overlap isn't accidental!

Our Brains Are Wired to Connect

This isn't just about being nice or polite.

Research shows that feeling liked and respected in the workplace activates the brain's reward system in the same way that financial compensation does (Lieberman, 2013). Studies have shown that social rewards might be at least as effective as money in motivating workers.

The dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, which Lieberman describes as the "CEO of the social brain," turns on when we dream and during periods of rest, constantly preparing us for our next social interaction.

Even more fascinating: when people finish doing something non-social, their social brain network turns back on almost instantly, like a reflex.

Our brain's default mode is social.

As Lieberman puts it: "Evolution has placed a bet that the best thing for our brain to do in any spare moment is to get ready to see the world socially."

The Psychology of Human Connection in Conversations

The Fundamental Need to Belong

The foundational 1995 research by Roy Baumeister and Mark Leary established the "need to belong" - a core human drive to form and maintain stable interpersonal relationships.

Their comprehensive review found:

• People form social attachments readily under most conditions

• Humans actively resist the dissolution of existing social bonds

• Lack of social connections links directly to health problems, adjustment issues, and reduced wellbeing

The Evolutionary Advantage of Social Pain

In mammalian species, the social attachment system borrowed the computations of the pain system to prevent the potentially harmful consequences of social separation.

For our ancestors:

• Being excluded from the group often meant death

• Evolution hijacked our pain system to ensure we'd prioritise social connection

• This created an intense biological drive to maintain group membership

When we're conducting interviews, we're fighting against millions of years of evolutionary programming that prioritises social acceptance over information gathering.

Why Interview Anxiety Makes Perfect Sense

No wonder we're terrified of mucking up these conversations - our brains are literally wired to crave approval.

When we feel like we're forcefully pulling information from people, it makes everyone uncomfortable. We're fighting against millions of years of evolution that's programmed us to create connections, not extract data.

Social connection is a basic human need that is essential to our overall health and wellbeing. It is as important as food, water, and shelter when it comes to laying the foundation for our ability to thrive and survive.

We've even evolved a biological warning system: loneliness is a vital warning signal that tells us that our basic human need for social connection is not met.

Just like hunger and thirst are signals that we need food and water, loneliness signals that we need connection.

Proven Techniques to Overcome Interview Anxiety

1. Reframe Interviews as Connection Opportunities

Instead of: "I need to extract valuable insights from this person" 

Think: "I'm genuinely curious about this person's experience and perspective"

You're aligning with your brain's natural social programming rather than fighting against it.

2. The Pre-Interview Connection Ritual

Before starting formal questions:

• Spend 3-5 minutes on genuine small talk

• Find one authentic commonality or shared experience

• Use the person's name naturally throughout the conversation

• Mirror their communication style subtly

This activates the brain's social reward system, making both parties more comfortable.

3. Use the Curious Journalist Mindset

Think of yourself as:

• A curious journalist genuinely interested in their story

Rather than:

• A researcher trying to validate hypotheses

Benefits:

• Reduces pressure to ask perfect questions

• Encourages natural follow-up questions

• Makes interviewees feel heard rather than studied

4. Master the Art of Comfortable Silence

• Most people need 3-7 seconds to formulate thoughtful responses

• Avoid jumping in too quickly with follow-up questions

• Count to 5 in your head before responding

5. Learn the GRAMS MethodTM for Interview Excellence

The questions you ask during interviews matter as much as the answers you give - it is also a vital way to reduce interview anxiety!

Why?

Well the GRAMS Method™ transforms you from an interviewer (or interviewee) that is looking to extract information from people - to a great conversationalist that can build authentic conversations, in which people offer up deeper insights without even thinking about it!

By focusing your questions from the GRAMS lens - Goals, Reality, Alternatives, Motivations, Solutions - you'll understand their world deeply enough to have meaningful conversations.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How long should a customer interview last?

 A: 45 minutes maximum for optimal cognitive performance. Structure it as 5 minutes connection building, 30 minutes core questions, 10 minutes wrap-up.

Q: What's the biggest mistake in customer interviews? 

A: Asking leading questions that confirm existing beliefs rather than genuinely exploring the customer's perspective.

Q: How many interviews do I need for reliable insights? 

A: Generally 5-8 interviews per customer segment will reveal 80% of key insights, with diminishing returns beyond 12 interviews.

Q: Should I interview customers face-to-face or remotely? 

A: Both work well when done properly. Face-to-face allows better non-verbal cue reading, whilst remote interviews often feel less intimidating for participants.

Q: How do I handle emotional responses during interviews? 

A: Acknowledge the emotion ("That sounds frustrating"), pause to let them process, then gently explore: "Can you tell me more about that experience?"

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Conclusion: Mastering the Psychology of Customer Interviews

Understanding why interviews feel awkward is the foundation for conducting research that yields genuine insights. When you recognise that your anxiety stems from evolutionary programming designed to prioritise social connection, you can work with your biology rather than against it.

The key principles to remember:

• Social pain is processed as physical pain - interview rejection genuinely hurts

• Your brain's default mode is social connection, not data extraction

• Authentic curiosity trumps perfect technique every time

• Building rapport enables better insights than aggressive questioning

Next Steps: Become the Most Confident Interviewer in the Room

Ready to Master These Interview Techniques?

Transform your interview success by mastering the psychology of human connection. These aren't just facts - they're relationship building skills that work in any professional context.

Whether you're preparing for your next job interview, even learning to conduct better stakeholder interviews, or developing your professional communication skills, these techniques will help you build genuine connections that lead to better outcomes (go get that job!)

Start implementing these techniques today:

• Reframe your next interview as a conversation with someone whose perspective you genuinely want to understand

• Spend the first few minutes building authentic connection

• Practice comfortable silence and natural follow-up questions

• Measure your success by relationship quality, not just data quantity

Remember: all the best insights happen when people feel heard, understood, and valued. Master the psychology of human connection, and the insights will follow naturally.

Want some more help?

Visit What Drives Them website for a free interview framework guide!

Or check out our practical digital course - designed to rapidly give you the skills to be able to interview anyone.

Make interviewing feel as easy as talking to your friends!